What Makes Love Last - The Gottman Relationship Blog
?Attunement in adult relationships is the desire and the ability to understand and respect your partner?s inner world.?
Do not be deceived by the simplicity of this concept! The mechanisms behind a
?Prior to this [research on trust] we were suggesting that any two people who could learn these skills could establish a positive relationship, but this is not true! There is chemistry behind establishing trust! It involves hormones and neurotransmitters? this is the mystery. Now we are working to reveal the dynamics of this mystery...?
In explaining his thoughts, Dr. Gottman refers to Kahneman, author of recent bestseller Thinking, Fast and Slow, a book with incredible new insights into behavioral economics. It distinguishes between intuitive, creative, immediate conclusions that we come to in System I thinking and the slower, more critical, and analytical thoughts of System 2. As Dr. Gottman cautions, ?When you start living with somebody you fall into Kahneman?s Type II thinking. You see the red flags.? Though the outlook may seem bright at the beginning of a relationship, trust makes or breaks a serious commitment to another person.
In his flurry of words and ideas, within the dance of his arms and the excited gesticulations of his hands, one thing is made clear:? ?You have to find the right person.? Long story short, Dr. Gottman?s conclusions are these:?
?Love and romance and trust are conscious decisions to cherish what is wonderful about your partner and nurture gratefulness for what you have. What people frequently instead is nurture resentment for what they don?t have. Trust has got to be mutual.??
All for now,
E. Lisitsa
TGI Staff
Source: http://www.gottmanblog.com/2012/08/what-makes-love-last-exclusive.html
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